The Good Shepherd by Warner Sallman
Overcoming addictions and living a great life after finding Jesus Christ
A book with a brief chapter detailing how the author was miraculously freed from his alcohol addiction and the subsequent reunion with his wife and family. The book moves on to the author’s personal answers to questions/objections which prevent many from even having a look at what Christianity is all about and finally to a "no punches pulled" invitation to Christians to start "walking their talk" rather than just "talking their talk". WHAT’S THE PURPOSE OF THIS BOOK?
I know that a great many of us are carrying hurt and pain around with us in our lives and I want to help change that – God wants to change that too, and He is more capable of doing that than I am – I believe He has encouraged me to write this book and I truly hope that the words I write have His approval and have the desired effect.
Well, if someone had told me that just a couple of years ago I’d have said they were "nutters" and no doubt many people will think the same of me – well I’m not here to win any popularity contests – I’d rather not upset anyone but my message will be clear, plain and simple and if people do take offence and think the worse of me, then so be it.
Right, back to the purpose of this book – I truly believe that we as human beings want and need to be loved and give love in return – this is probably the most important thing about being human. Love needs to be given unconditionally with no strings attached – if we are all shown love and we are all able to give love (again unconditionally) then I’m sure that many of our problems would pale into insignificance.
Love is the most wonderful thing a human being can experience and it needs to be expressed openly. Many people find this difficult to do due to their own vulnerability and fear of rejection.
People who are filled with pure love are such happy people and appear to have no cares in the world – it is as if love is an all-purpose remedy for all of life’s ills (the best medicine that money cannot buy!) – all through the Bible there are many examples of love and what it can do such as covering all wrongs where hate causes dissension. A truly great life is in store for you when you pursue living right through love.
There are so many different kinds of love, which I will show and give you examples of – just remember that this crosses all nations throughout the entire world and I want this message to reach every tiny corner of the entire planet earth. The universal language of love, compassion and care knows no bounds –in fact this is so important that I include a whole chapter on this subject later on.
I used to wonder why God came to earth as the man, Jesus Christ, seeing that He was the sovereign eternal being who had created the earth. The following modern day parable really hit home for me not only reducing me to tears, but showing the purest of pure loves that I could ever imagine, and imagine I did with such emotion that I could really feel it, just as if I was there in the story.
There was a farmer who was a religious sceptic who was just about to go to bed after a hard day’s work. It was freezing cold outside with snow falling and a number of sparrows appeared on the window frame looking inside the warm and cosy house. The poor little birds were both freezing cold and dying of hunger.
The kindly farmer took pity on them and went outside to his barn where he turned on the lights, put on some heating and provided some food for them. No matter how hard he tried to entice them inside they would not come, as they were frightened of the farmer and not sure what would happen if they trusted him.
Unfortunately their fear was so strong that they stayed outside and died. The farmer was so sad and thought to himself that if only he’d been a bird himself he would have been able to talk and show them that he was only trying to help. It then DAWNED on him why God came to earth as Jesus – surely this is the purest of loves ever shown made even more amazing when you consider that He allowed himself to be crucified so horribly so that we may be forgiven for our sins. Just think about this for a short time and really let this sink in while feeling what was done for us.
Our time on this earth could and should then be an amazing experience where the entire human race work together in harmony for their own benefit and with no ulterior motives except to please and love God and to care for each other, just as He hoped we would.
Is this a crazy dream? – well looking at how the human race treat each other just now it doesn’t seem likely but it’s NOT impossible. The recent Tsunami was so dreadful and horrific, BUT just look at how we have all rallied round to help, not only with money but also with time.
This just goes to show that we CAN help and make a difference in the world and when we think and put others before ourselves it brings us great joy and happiness too. There is much to be done such as ridding the world of famine where even today over 6,000,000 children under the age of five dies from starvation each year. We don’t have to make that much of a sacrifice to help so let’s just DO IT rather than just talking about it.
This book is aimed at both Christians and non Christians alike – both have similar if not the same problems and experiences in life and it may indeed be worse for Christians because they believe in God and may feel that they should be happier and more content than non believers – well in many instances that is just not the case.
Mankind as a whole is disenchanted with life and many put it down to the lack of money but this is clearly not the case – just look at the amount of incredibly rich people there are that are so unhappy they turn to so many self destructive habits in an attempt to find what they are looking for. Look at the many film and pop stars whose self-destructive behaviour often leads to suicide. It just does not seem to matter what your status is in life, rich or poor we all have to somehow deal with the same basic issues – no one is exempt. I hear some of you saying that you’d rather be rich and unhappy than poor and unhappy – well I’d agree with you but is that enough? – you’re still unhappy.
Something or someone is missing from our lives and most of us are SEARCHING, but SEARCHING for what – this could be for the MEANING OF LIFE or maybe the PURPOSE OF LIFE or indeed one of a multitude of searches – BUT if you don’t know what or who you are searching for it’s going to be awfully difficult to find it.
Go back in time and look at your life’s experiences – when were you most happy – was it when you were doing things for yourself or for others? Why do people come together at times of natural disasters such as the recent Tsunami that I mentioned above; when a child has gone missing; when there are wars, in fact when anything tragic happens? – people need each other and the community spirit is there for all to see – the camaraderie is there for all to see too.
It is not just in times of trouble that we seem to band together in unison – it is also in times of great joy and national pride such as cheering your country on in the Olympics; your country in the football World Cup; the ending of hostilities, the safe return of a child that everyone thought was lost – at these times of great joy grown men who have never even met each other cry tears of joy and hug each other – they are filled with joy and they just let their real emotions take over – this comes from the heart rather than the head. If you think about it these are some of the most happy and exhilarating moments of our lives and it is when we are caring, sharing and helping each other rather than thinking selfishly of our own wants and needs – it is so sad that this only seems to happens at times of great disasters or times of great joy – wouldn’t you like to feel like this all or at least a greater part of each and every day for the rest of your life and then be fortunate enough to look forward to something even more exciting later on – death would no longer frighten you, in fact most of what you worry about will not seem so bad ever again.
What would you think to being part of a world that was filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control? – what about a world where sexual immorality and abuse are things of the past, (did you know that the trafficking of women and young children for sexual exploitation is still rife in parts of the world?), where dabbling with the occult, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of temper/rage, drunkenness and selfish ambition and so on were also no longer parts of life?
Keep reading and believe me that if this is what you want this is what you will get – God really can help make your life such a wonderful experience (just read the next chapter "My Story").
Go and buy yourself a Bible, in a modern translation if you haven’t got one as I’ll be quoting a few passages for you (this is not intended to be a theological book, but there are some Bible passages that I truly believe will help and inspire you) – here is the first one!
" Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened" – Matthew 7 – 7:8. (I know this is true because it happened to me and I still find it incredible – my whole life has been transformed to the extent that nothing, not even a lottery win could make me happier – this is just how you can feel too and I can’t think of anything more exciting than this for you, I really can’t).
Today I’ve never been happier and I want you to experience what I’ve got – not just me though – there are millions who feel the same.
I’m not and could not promise you that life will become plain sailing and nothing will ever bother you again – of course it will and sometimes you’ll feel like giving up but you never will – why? – you’ll just need to read on and see why but I re-iterate my previous promise that if your life is not transformed by what you read or indeed for any other reason whatsoever then just return the book and you’ll be sent an immediate refund together with my blessings for a happy, fruitful and fulfilled life for both yourself and your loved ones.
To understand what inspired me to write this book, apart from this incredible conviction that God wanted me to do so, you will understand by reading the next chapter.
I repeat once more that this book is intended to be straightforward – it is not nor is it intended to be a theological work of art – there are enough of those publications you can buy elsewhere – it is written in clear English and I hope that I can do justice to the message that God wants me to bring to you all (just bear in mind that I am a Chartered Surveyor by profession and NOT a writer so don’t go picking too many grammatical and or spelling errors although I’ve done my best to check these).
Once you have completed the book I truly hope that you will have the tools to start your journey and know that only by walking with God can you possibly hope to experience this fantastic new way of life – God will be with you all the time – just make sure that you are with Him each and every day – ask for wisdom while searching for the right way to live.
I do however offer a word of caution – by writing this book I am not saying I know all the answers to life’s questions – no one person does – there are so many injustices and we just don’t know why, only God knows. If we ignore the mystery and actual realties of normal everyday life and pretend that we know all the answers all we’ll succeed in doing is fooling ourselves and showing to other people just how shallow and gullible we are – we’ll just succeed in reinforcing many non believers belief that we as Christians are just religious bigots, bible bashers and so on. If we are trying to spread the word of God, which I truly believe is our duty, then we must be honest and when we don’t know something then just say so.
I can however guarantee you an amazing life transformation if you just but try for your own sake, that of your family, loved ones friends and indeed the whole of mankind and just ask Jesus into your life Then just see what happens – go on – I dare you!
I finish this chapter with a prayer written such a long time ago which actually tells you in better words than I can ever hope to muster exactly why I wrote this book.
Prayer of St Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, help me bring love;
Where there is wrong, help me bring a spirit of forgiveness;
Where there is discord, help me bring harmony
Where there are lies, help me bring the truth;
Where there is doubt help me bring faith;
Where there is despair help me bring hope;
Where there is darkness help me bring light;
Where there is sadness help me bring, joy.
Lord, grant that I may not so much seek to be comforted myself as to comfort others,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in forgiving that we are forgiven,
it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
MY STORY
The reason that I have included this chapter is to give you an idea as to where I have come from and certainly not because of some "ego trip".
Not all of us will have come from the same background and have had the same problems – that’s not likely anyway - because what I am hoping to show you is that it doesn’t matter what your circumstances are as they can be overcome too and that a great life does indeed await you.
I am NOT promising you an easy ride and of course some of you will find it more difficult than others but with Jesus at your side (and you must make sure that you keep Him there each and every day – you’ll know how when you’ve finished the book) then I GUARANTEE you’ll be amazed at the incredible changes in your life.
I was born on 21st April 1956 and was a timid little boy, so I was told. My parents thought that it might help my confidence if I experienced school life at a nursery before starting infant school so I duly went along to the local nursery at the age of 4. That stands out in my mind, as I was sick in my cap every morning at the entrance to the nursery – so much for the new found "confidence" that I didn’t really find until Jesus came into my life many many years later.
I spent a short time at the local primary school before being sent away to school at the age of 9 followed by another boarding school from the age of 13 until I was 18. I hated both these places as I really missed my parents and home life and so looked forward to the holidays – what made life worse was that the stammer (speech impediment) that first reared its ugly head at the age of 5 became worse and you can imagine the teasing and sheer hell I was put through at these private schools.
After school I went away to college and hated this just as much and again spent as much time coming home as I could. What made matters worse was that the two private schools I’d been to were "boys only" schools so I had never really talked to girls. When I tried to do so I was not only nervous of them but also because my stammer was so bad I never had a chance to get to know any of them. It was then that I found alcohol helped my confidence and also my speaking so it gradually became my best friend and so began a journey that was to take me down some terrible roads such as mindless vandalism, police chases and so on.
I got married at the age of 25 to Rowena, who was just 17 at the time – I got a job in Zambia and we both went out there in 1981. The "ex pat" lifestyle was quite a boozy culture so it suited me but somehow I managed to disguise my now almost out of control drinking habit.
When we came back home in 1982 I began a business with my father and how I managed to run this for the next 13 years I still have no idea – I used to need a drink so badly just to function that I would sneak cans of strong lager and brandy into my briefcase and then go and drink them in the toilets.
My family life was dreadful and the three children that we had must have suffered dreadfully – not that I beat them but that I never had time for any of them – I was either working or drinking and the abuse they all got, my wife included, was verbal and boy, did I have a wicked and vicious tongue.
I left my business in 1995 and decided to work on my own at home – well that was just daft because it meant that I’d actually have to work and earn money myself rather than rely on the staff I’d had – financially we then began to struggle and although I picked up some work I was happiest just being "out of mind" smoking my cigarettes – it was there that I found my peace and happiness, or so I thought.
I first left my wife in 1999 after two affairs but came back within 6 months because I couldn’t stand having to do my own washing, ironing, cooking etc as I really didn’t have time for this and my drinking. We got on a little better for a short while but it wasn’t long before we really just hated each other so much that we really had to part, this time for ever, or so we thought.
I managed to find myself a "mobile home" and went and lived there. I was able to keep up my drinking as apart from the little money I was earning I was also living on my capital which was the money my ex-partners had paid me for my share of the business when they "bought me out".
Just going back a little in time, I had managed to stop smoking and drinking after I had got back with my wife initially but it was a real effort – I’d also heard of this "Alpha Course" which was an opportunity to explore the meaning of life and was a basic introduction to Christianity. As I wasn’t drinking at the time and didn’t quite know what to do with myself I thought I’d go along to this course more to be able to have a real verbal bashing at these "sad little Christian people" than to really listen. It turned out that the course was really interesting but at the end of it although I thought there may be something to this "God thing" I wasn’t convinced – mind you it didn’t help having had church thrown at you when you were away at school.
Right, back to my mobile home life – I slipped back into drinking some time after the Alpha course (not because of the course I hasten to add) because I really didn’t seem to be able to cope or enjoy life without being smashed out of my head – to me it was a great escape from the hell and drudgery of life.
It was Saturday 28th December 2002 that my life changed so miraculously that I still can’t believe it myself. I was sitting on the steps of my mobile home smoking yet another cigarette and already so drunk I could hardly stand that for some reason the memory of the Alpha course came back to me and I thought how untrue and unreal God must be if He had allowed me to get into this state and with no hope for anything better to come.
I yelled out something like "If you’re really there, help me, do something about this need for alcohol or just get stuffed." Needless to say I thought nothing more about this and went off to bed.
I wasn’t able to drink or smoke for a few days after because I really did feel THAT ill that I thought that maybe I had poisoned my system so badly and I was going to die – not that I really cared because I had contemplated suicide on a number of occasions but had not had the nerve to carry it out.
It was only in January 2003 when I realised that I wasn’t smoking or drinking that I began to remember my yelling out to God in utter despair – had He taken the urge and desire for my lifetime companions away from me – surely not? It did make me think so I thought I’d "test" Him with another challenge. This was for my wife and I to fall in love again and get back together – now that couldn’t happen or could it?
Now before I go on let me just say that I cannot guarantee that God will answer every prayer that you ask Him as instantly as He did mine and why this happened I do not know – all I do know is that with Jesus at your side, and with you working alongside Him which you will see as you read on, miraculous and amazing things will happen in your lives too.
Well we are now into 2005 and I have not touched a drink or a cigarette since and never ever have the urge to do so. My wife and I renewed our marriage vows last year and are back together more in love than ever before. I am slowly rebuilding a new business which puts other people first and somehow I’ve managed to become debt free and even own my (our) home outright. I also have a confidence that I never thought possible and although I still have a slight stammer it has improved that much that I have been able to stand up in front of an audience of over 500 people and tell them what God has done for me in my life!!
I am still on a journey and a million miles from the person that Jesus was but I live by three basic philosophies which are as follows:
1. Making Jesus the centre of my life.
2. Trying to become more like Jesus every day.
3. Devoting my life to the service of others.
The above may sound hard to do right at this moment – as you read my book you’ll discover that they are really quite fun and fairly easy to follow and that the difference in your life will lead you to such a happiness that you’ve never ever experienced before.
Of course you must remember that you are on a journey and that none of us will ever actually become exactly like Jesus – all you are doing is "trying" and with God’s help even if you improve by just a few percentage points between now and the day you die that would be fantastic. At least it will have been an improvement and when it changes both your life, your loved ones lives and those around you and you’ve made a difference to the world for having been here then I hope you’ll agree that your life was worth something after all.
Go ahead now and read the rest of the book, which I hope you enjoy, but more than that, I sincerely hope that it changes your lives as much as it changed mine.
I know that a great many of us are carrying hurt and pain around with us in our lives and I want to help change that – God wants to change that too, and He is more capable of doing that than I am – I believe He has encouraged me to write this book and I truly hope that the words I write have His approval and have the desired effect.
Well, if someone had told me that just a couple of years ago I’d have said they were "nutters" and no doubt many people will think the same of me – well I’m not here to win any popularity contests – I’d rather not upset anyone but my message will be clear, plain and simple and if people do take offence and think the worse of me, then so be it.
Right, back to the purpose of this book – I truly believe that we as human beings want and need to be loved and give love in return – this is probably the most important thing about being human. Love needs to be given unconditionally with no strings attached – if we are all shown love and we are all able to give love (again unconditionally) then I’m sure that many of our problems would pale into insignificance.
Love is the most wonderful thing a human being can experience and it needs to be expressed openly. Many people find this difficult to do due to their own vulnerability and fear of rejection.
People who are filled with pure love are such happy people and appear to have no cares in the world – it is as if love is an all-purpose remedy for all of life’s ills (the best medicine that money cannot buy!) – all through the Bible there are many examples of love and what it can do such as covering all wrongs where hate causes dissension. A truly great life is in store for you when you pursue living right through love.
There are so many different kinds of love, which I will show and give you examples of – just remember that this crosses all nations throughout the entire world and I want this message to reach every tiny corner of the entire planet earth. The universal language of love, compassion and care knows no bounds –in fact this is so important that I include a whole chapter on this subject later on.
I used to wonder why God came to earth as the man, Jesus Christ, seeing that He was the sovereign eternal being who had created the earth. The following modern day parable really hit home for me not only reducing me to tears, but showing the purest of pure loves that I could ever imagine, and imagine I did with such emotion that I could really feel it, just as if I was there in the story.
There was a farmer who was a religious sceptic who was just about to go to bed after a hard day’s work. It was freezing cold outside with snow falling and a number of sparrows appeared on the window frame looking inside the warm and cosy house. The poor little birds were both freezing cold and dying of hunger.
The kindly farmer took pity on them and went outside to his barn where he turned on the lights, put on some heating and provided some food for them. No matter how hard he tried to entice them inside they would not come, as they were frightened of the farmer and not sure what would happen if they trusted him.
Unfortunately their fear was so strong that they stayed outside and died. The farmer was so sad and thought to himself that if only he’d been a bird himself he would have been able to talk and show them that he was only trying to help. It then DAWNED on him why God came to earth as Jesus – surely this is the purest of loves ever shown made even more amazing when you consider that He allowed himself to be crucified so horribly so that we may be forgiven for our sins. Just think about this for a short time and really let this sink in while feeling what was done for us.
Our time on this earth could and should then be an amazing experience where the entire human race work together in harmony for their own benefit and with no ulterior motives except to please and love God and to care for each other, just as He hoped we would.
Is this a crazy dream? – well looking at how the human race treat each other just now it doesn’t seem likely but it’s NOT impossible. The recent Tsunami was so dreadful and horrific, BUT just look at how we have all rallied round to help, not only with money but also with time.
This just goes to show that we CAN help and make a difference in the world and when we think and put others before ourselves it brings us great joy and happiness too. There is much to be done such as ridding the world of famine where even today over 6,000,000 children under the age of five dies from starvation each year. We don’t have to make that much of a sacrifice to help so let’s just DO IT rather than just talking about it.
This book is aimed at both Christians and non Christians alike – both have similar if not the same problems and experiences in life and it may indeed be worse for Christians because they believe in God and may feel that they should be happier and more content than non believers – well in many instances that is just not the case.
Mankind as a whole is disenchanted with life and many put it down to the lack of money but this is clearly not the case – just look at the amount of incredibly rich people there are that are so unhappy they turn to so many self destructive habits in an attempt to find what they are looking for. Look at the many film and pop stars whose self-destructive behaviour often leads to suicide. It just does not seem to matter what your status is in life, rich or poor we all have to somehow deal with the same basic issues – no one is exempt. I hear some of you saying that you’d rather be rich and unhappy than poor and unhappy – well I’d agree with you but is that enough? – you’re still unhappy.
Something or someone is missing from our lives and most of us are SEARCHING, but SEARCHING for what – this could be for the MEANING OF LIFE or maybe the PURPOSE OF LIFE or indeed one of a multitude of searches – BUT if you don’t know what or who you are searching for it’s going to be awfully difficult to find it.
Go back in time and look at your life’s experiences – when were you most happy – was it when you were doing things for yourself or for others? Why do people come together at times of natural disasters such as the recent Tsunami that I mentioned above; when a child has gone missing; when there are wars, in fact when anything tragic happens? – people need each other and the community spirit is there for all to see – the camaraderie is there for all to see too.
It is not just in times of trouble that we seem to band together in unison – it is also in times of great joy and national pride such as cheering your country on in the Olympics; your country in the football World Cup; the ending of hostilities, the safe return of a child that everyone thought was lost – at these times of great joy grown men who have never even met each other cry tears of joy and hug each other – they are filled with joy and they just let their real emotions take over – this comes from the heart rather than the head. If you think about it these are some of the most happy and exhilarating moments of our lives and it is when we are caring, sharing and helping each other rather than thinking selfishly of our own wants and needs – it is so sad that this only seems to happens at times of great disasters or times of great joy – wouldn’t you like to feel like this all or at least a greater part of each and every day for the rest of your life and then be fortunate enough to look forward to something even more exciting later on – death would no longer frighten you, in fact most of what you worry about will not seem so bad ever again.
What would you think to being part of a world that was filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control? – what about a world where sexual immorality and abuse are things of the past, (did you know that the trafficking of women and young children for sexual exploitation is still rife in parts of the world?), where dabbling with the occult, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of temper/rage, drunkenness and selfish ambition and so on were also no longer parts of life?
Keep reading and believe me that if this is what you want this is what you will get – God really can help make your life such a wonderful experience (just read the next chapter "My Story").
Go and buy yourself a Bible, in a modern translation if you haven’t got one as I’ll be quoting a few passages for you (this is not intended to be a theological book, but there are some Bible passages that I truly believe will help and inspire you) – here is the first one!
" Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened" – Matthew 7 – 7:8. (I know this is true because it happened to me and I still find it incredible – my whole life has been transformed to the extent that nothing, not even a lottery win could make me happier – this is just how you can feel too and I can’t think of anything more exciting than this for you, I really can’t).
Today I’ve never been happier and I want you to experience what I’ve got – not just me though – there are millions who feel the same.
I’m not and could not promise you that life will become plain sailing and nothing will ever bother you again – of course it will and sometimes you’ll feel like giving up but you never will – why? – you’ll just need to read on and see why but I re-iterate my previous promise that if your life is not transformed by what you read or indeed for any other reason whatsoever then just return the book and you’ll be sent an immediate refund together with my blessings for a happy, fruitful and fulfilled life for both yourself and your loved ones.
To understand what inspired me to write this book, apart from this incredible conviction that God wanted me to do so, you will understand by reading the next chapter.
I repeat once more that this book is intended to be straightforward – it is not nor is it intended to be a theological work of art – there are enough of those publications you can buy elsewhere – it is written in clear English and I hope that I can do justice to the message that God wants me to bring to you all (just bear in mind that I am a Chartered Surveyor by profession and NOT a writer so don’t go picking too many grammatical and or spelling errors although I’ve done my best to check these).
Once you have completed the book I truly hope that you will have the tools to start your journey and know that only by walking with God can you possibly hope to experience this fantastic new way of life – God will be with you all the time – just make sure that you are with Him each and every day – ask for wisdom while searching for the right way to live.
I do however offer a word of caution – by writing this book I am not saying I know all the answers to life’s questions – no one person does – there are so many injustices and we just don’t know why, only God knows. If we ignore the mystery and actual realties of normal everyday life and pretend that we know all the answers all we’ll succeed in doing is fooling ourselves and showing to other people just how shallow and gullible we are – we’ll just succeed in reinforcing many non believers belief that we as Christians are just religious bigots, bible bashers and so on. If we are trying to spread the word of God, which I truly believe is our duty, then we must be honest and when we don’t know something then just say so.
I can however guarantee you an amazing life transformation if you just but try for your own sake, that of your family, loved ones friends and indeed the whole of mankind and just ask Jesus into your life Then just see what happens – go on – I dare you!
I finish this chapter with a prayer written such a long time ago which actually tells you in better words than I can ever hope to muster exactly why I wrote this book.
Prayer of St Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, help me bring love;
Where there is wrong, help me bring a spirit of forgiveness;
Where there is discord, help me bring harmony
Where there are lies, help me bring the truth;
Where there is doubt help me bring faith;
Where there is despair help me bring hope;
Where there is darkness help me bring light;
Where there is sadness help me bring, joy.
Lord, grant that I may not so much seek to be comforted myself as to comfort others,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in forgiving that we are forgiven,
it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
MY STORY
The reason that I have included this chapter is to give you an idea as to where I have come from and certainly not because of some "ego trip".
Not all of us will have come from the same background and have had the same problems – that’s not likely anyway - because what I am hoping to show you is that it doesn’t matter what your circumstances are as they can be overcome too and that a great life does indeed await you.
I am NOT promising you an easy ride and of course some of you will find it more difficult than others but with Jesus at your side (and you must make sure that you keep Him there each and every day – you’ll know how when you’ve finished the book) then I GUARANTEE you’ll be amazed at the incredible changes in your life.
I was born on 21st April 1956 and was a timid little boy, so I was told. My parents thought that it might help my confidence if I experienced school life at a nursery before starting infant school so I duly went along to the local nursery at the age of 4. That stands out in my mind, as I was sick in my cap every morning at the entrance to the nursery – so much for the new found "confidence" that I didn’t really find until Jesus came into my life many many years later.
I spent a short time at the local primary school before being sent away to school at the age of 9 followed by another boarding school from the age of 13 until I was 18. I hated both these places as I really missed my parents and home life and so looked forward to the holidays – what made life worse was that the stammer (speech impediment) that first reared its ugly head at the age of 5 became worse and you can imagine the teasing and sheer hell I was put through at these private schools.
After school I went away to college and hated this just as much and again spent as much time coming home as I could. What made matters worse was that the two private schools I’d been to were "boys only" schools so I had never really talked to girls. When I tried to do so I was not only nervous of them but also because my stammer was so bad I never had a chance to get to know any of them. It was then that I found alcohol helped my confidence and also my speaking so it gradually became my best friend and so began a journey that was to take me down some terrible roads such as mindless vandalism, police chases and so on.
I got married at the age of 25 to Rowena, who was just 17 at the time – I got a job in Zambia and we both went out there in 1981. The "ex pat" lifestyle was quite a boozy culture so it suited me but somehow I managed to disguise my now almost out of control drinking habit.
When we came back home in 1982 I began a business with my father and how I managed to run this for the next 13 years I still have no idea – I used to need a drink so badly just to function that I would sneak cans of strong lager and brandy into my briefcase and then go and drink them in the toilets.
My family life was dreadful and the three children that we had must have suffered dreadfully – not that I beat them but that I never had time for any of them – I was either working or drinking and the abuse they all got, my wife included, was verbal and boy, did I have a wicked and vicious tongue.
I left my business in 1995 and decided to work on my own at home – well that was just daft because it meant that I’d actually have to work and earn money myself rather than rely on the staff I’d had – financially we then began to struggle and although I picked up some work I was happiest just being "out of mind" smoking my cigarettes – it was there that I found my peace and happiness, or so I thought.
I first left my wife in 1999 after two affairs but came back within 6 months because I couldn’t stand having to do my own washing, ironing, cooking etc as I really didn’t have time for this and my drinking. We got on a little better for a short while but it wasn’t long before we really just hated each other so much that we really had to part, this time for ever, or so we thought.
I managed to find myself a "mobile home" and went and lived there. I was able to keep up my drinking as apart from the little money I was earning I was also living on my capital which was the money my ex-partners had paid me for my share of the business when they "bought me out".
Just going back a little in time, I had managed to stop smoking and drinking after I had got back with my wife initially but it was a real effort – I’d also heard of this "Alpha Course" which was an opportunity to explore the meaning of life and was a basic introduction to Christianity. As I wasn’t drinking at the time and didn’t quite know what to do with myself I thought I’d go along to this course more to be able to have a real verbal bashing at these "sad little Christian people" than to really listen. It turned out that the course was really interesting but at the end of it although I thought there may be something to this "God thing" I wasn’t convinced – mind you it didn’t help having had church thrown at you when you were away at school.
Right, back to my mobile home life – I slipped back into drinking some time after the Alpha course (not because of the course I hasten to add) because I really didn’t seem to be able to cope or enjoy life without being smashed out of my head – to me it was a great escape from the hell and drudgery of life.
It was Saturday 28th December 2002 that my life changed so miraculously that I still can’t believe it myself. I was sitting on the steps of my mobile home smoking yet another cigarette and already so drunk I could hardly stand that for some reason the memory of the Alpha course came back to me and I thought how untrue and unreal God must be if He had allowed me to get into this state and with no hope for anything better to come.
I yelled out something like "If you’re really there, help me, do something about this need for alcohol or just get stuffed." Needless to say I thought nothing more about this and went off to bed.
I wasn’t able to drink or smoke for a few days after because I really did feel THAT ill that I thought that maybe I had poisoned my system so badly and I was going to die – not that I really cared because I had contemplated suicide on a number of occasions but had not had the nerve to carry it out.
It was only in January 2003 when I realised that I wasn’t smoking or drinking that I began to remember my yelling out to God in utter despair – had He taken the urge and desire for my lifetime companions away from me – surely not? It did make me think so I thought I’d "test" Him with another challenge. This was for my wife and I to fall in love again and get back together – now that couldn’t happen or could it?
Now before I go on let me just say that I cannot guarantee that God will answer every prayer that you ask Him as instantly as He did mine and why this happened I do not know – all I do know is that with Jesus at your side, and with you working alongside Him which you will see as you read on, miraculous and amazing things will happen in your lives too.
Well we are now into 2005 and I have not touched a drink or a cigarette since and never ever have the urge to do so. My wife and I renewed our marriage vows last year and are back together more in love than ever before. I am slowly rebuilding a new business which puts other people first and somehow I’ve managed to become debt free and even own my (our) home outright. I also have a confidence that I never thought possible and although I still have a slight stammer it has improved that much that I have been able to stand up in front of an audience of over 500 people and tell them what God has done for me in my life!!
I am still on a journey and a million miles from the person that Jesus was but I live by three basic philosophies which are as follows:
1. Making Jesus the centre of my life.
2. Trying to become more like Jesus every day.
3. Devoting my life to the service of others.
The above may sound hard to do right at this moment – as you read my book you’ll discover that they are really quite fun and fairly easy to follow and that the difference in your life will lead you to such a happiness that you’ve never ever experienced before.
Of course you must remember that you are on a journey and that none of us will ever actually become exactly like Jesus – all you are doing is "trying" and with God’s help even if you improve by just a few percentage points between now and the day you die that would be fantastic. At least it will have been an improvement and when it changes both your life, your loved ones lives and those around you and you’ve made a difference to the world for having been here then I hope you’ll agree that your life was worth something after all.
Go ahead now and read the rest of the book, which I hope you enjoy, but more than that, I sincerely hope that it changes your lives as much as it changed mine.
By Ian Glover
Published: 5/27/2005
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