Welcome to the new Moneyball

Welcome to the new Moneyball

Less talk about the economy and more about the money players of 2009

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By Jayson Stark
ESPN.com
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First off, let's all agree on one thing: Money is an excellent invention. And we're all in favor of accumulating as much of it as possible.

But now let's agree on something else: We've all heard enough talk about the impact that money, the economy and the recession have had on baseball to hold us for the next 12 lifetimes. Haven't we?

So here's our appeal to baseball's powers that be as another season approaches:

Enough already.

No more talk about the economy. Please. No more charts showing attendance during previous recessions. Please. No more in-depth analysis of how far free-agent salaries have fallen versus previous offseasons. Please.

Has baseball been affected by the economy? Sure. Obviously. Now let's move on.

At times like these, we don't need baseball to remind us we barely have enough money left in our life savings to buy a hot dog and popcorn. We need baseball to remind us it's guaranteed to bring us seven consecutive months of uninterrupted fun.

So from now on, here's the only kind of money talk we want to hear:

$$$ THE ALL-MONEY PLAYER TEAM $$$

If all our net worth was riding on one game, we'd run this team out there:

POS	PLAYER
1B	Albert Pujols, Cardinals Why he's money: Could have won the MVP every year of his career.
2B	Chase Utley, Phillies Why he's money: Hasn't taken an inning off since birth.
SS	Jimmy Rollins, Phillies Why he's money: Who loves The Big Moment more than this man?
3B	Chipper Jones, Braves Why he's money: .870 career postseason OPS.
OF	Manny Ramirez, Dodgers Why he's money: Thirty-six plate appearances last October, reached base in 24 of them!
OF	Ichiro Suzuki, Mariners Why he's money: Hit .421 in only postseason and is .341 lifetime with men in scoring position.
OF	Matt Holliday, A's Why he's money: Anybody notice he slugged .622 in his only visit to the postseason?
C	Joe Mauer, Twins Why he's money: Check out that .342 career RISP average.
DH	David Ortiz, Red Sox Why he's money: His .944 October OPS doesn't lie.
STARTING ROTATION	Johan Santana, Mets | Josh Beckett, Red Sox | Roy Halladay, Jays Cole Hamels, Phillies | John Smoltz, Red Sox Why they are money? Any arguments here?
CLOSER	Mariano Rivera, Yankees Why he's money: Hey, you were expecting maybe Jose Mesa?

$$$ THE ALL PAY-PER-VIEW TEAM $$$

A team full of guys we'd pay to watch play:

POS	PLAYER
1B	Lance Berkman, Astros Why we'd watch: What's more fun than watching the Big Puma start Puma-cizing?
2B	Chase Utley, Phillies Why we'd watch: Wouldn't you pay just to watch the steam pour out of his ears?
SS	Hanley Ramirez, Marlins Why we'd watch: Most talented player alive, bar none.
3B	Evan Longoria, Rays Why we'd watch: It's not this easy. Is it?
OF	Josh Hamilton, Rangers Why we'd watch: The heck with the games. We'd pay to watch this man take BP.
OF	Grady Sizemore, Indians Why we'd watch: Is this guy possessed or what?
OF	Carl Crawford, Rays Why we'd watch: A two-triple game waiting to happen every night.
C	A.J. Pierzynski, White Sox Why we'd watch: A.J.'s motto: It's always something.
STARTING ROTATION	Tim Lincecum, Giants | Johan Santana, Mets Felix Hernandez, Mariners | CC Sabathia, Yankees Daisuke Matsuzaka, Red Sox Why we'd watch? Sheer entertainment on a mound near you.
BULLPEN	Jonathan Papelbon, Red Sox | Francisco Rodriguez, Mets Carlos Marmol, Cubs Why we'd watch? Swings 'n Misses 'R Us.

$$$ THE ALL-BULL-MARKET TEAM $$$

Here's the advice from our team of advisors: Buy stock in this group now before the world catches on:

POS	PLAYER
1B	Joey Votto, Reds Why pay attention: Great swing, great approach, great ballpark to mash in.
2B	Chris Getz, White Sox Why pay attention: Peskiest White Sox 2B since … who? Steve Sax?
SS	Alexei Ramirez, White Sox Why pay attention: The on-the-rise DP combo of the year.
3B	Pablo Sandoval, Giants Why pay attention: Only 22 years old, and he'll hit cleanup by July.
OF	Nick Markakis, Orioles Why pay attention: Best player in the AL East that no one knows.
OF	Andre Ethier, Dodgers Why pay attention: Good gig hitting cleanup behind Manny.
OF	Adam Jones, Orioles Why pay attention: If we had $1,000 for every scout who raves about his scary tools, we could buy the Orioles.
C	Chris Iannetta, Rockies Why pay attention: No Coors illusion here. Had an .897 ROAD OPS last year.
STARTING ROTATION	Jon Lester, Red Sox | David Price, Rays | Josh Johnson, Marlins John Danks, White Sox | Zack Greinke, Royals Why pay attention? The only debate is: Which one wins a Cy first?
BULLPEN	Brian Wilson, Giants | Jason Motte, Cardinals Justin Masterson, Red Sox Why pay attention? Three awesome arms.

$$$ THE ALL-BEAR-MARKET TEAM $$$

Better sell now before these stocks crash:

POS	PLAYER
1B	Derrek Lee, Cubs Why worry: 47 HR in 594 AB in 2005, but 50 HR in 1,365 AB since.
2B	Felipe Lopez, D-backs Why worry: Hit .385 as a Cardinal down the stretch. Bet he can't do that again.
SS	Derek Jeter, Yankees Why worry: We've always defended him, but it's getting tougher.
3B	Mike Lowell, Red Sox Why worry: He always seems to find a way, but wasn't real acrobatic this spring.
OF	Bobby Abreu, Angels Why worry: His numbers are still picturesque, so how come his last two teams (Phillies and Yankees) were so ready to wave goodbye?
OF	Ryan Ludwick, Cardinals Why worry: We still like him, but is he going to go .299/.375/.591/37 HR again? We'll take the under.
OF	Brian Giles, Padres Why worry: Still an on-base machine, but he also turns 38 next week.
C	Jason Varitek, Red Sox Why worry: You thought his bat looked slow last year? Has a .238 OBP this spring.
DH	Travis Hafner, Indians Why worry: Uh-oh. Slugging .275 this spring, with more whiffs than hits.
STARTING ROTATION	Jon Garland, D-backs | Jason Marquis, Rockies Oliver Perez, Mets | Jered Weaver, Angels Kyle Lohse, Cardinals Why worry? Think they'll combine to go 61-40 again? Something tells us no.
BULLPEN	Bobby Jenks, White Sox | Francisco Cordero, Reds Why worry? Jenks' body or Cordero's ERA? Terrifying stat of the spring: Cordero faced 45 hitters in Florida. More reached base (23) than made outs (22).

$$$ THE ALL-MONEY-FOR-NOTHING TEAM $$$

Many, many dollars spent on these men … but that ain't workin':

POS	PLAYER
1B	Dmitri Young, Nationals How active: Halfway through 2-year, $10M deal, Nationals have 10 RBIs to show for it.
2B	Luis Castillo, Mets How active: Only three years to go on that 4-year, $25M deal. Yikes.
SS	Julio Lugo, Red Sox How active: About to start Year Three of 4-year, $36M deal on the DL. Oops.
3B	Eric Chavez, A's How active: Totals for first four years of 6-year, $66M deal: two surgeries, 220 days on DL.
OF	Juan Pierre, Dodgers How active: Eminently available: Lovable slap hitter with three years, $28.5M left on 5-year, $44M contract.
OF	Gary Matthews Jr., Angels How active: Three years, $33M to go for MLB's most expensive fourth outfielder.
OF	Andruw Jones, Rangers How active: Dodgers got 76 whiffs, 33 hits for their $36.2M.
C	Kenji Johjima, Mariners How active: The most inexplicable 3-year, $24M extension in Mariners history doesn't even kick in until this year.
DH	Travis Hafner, Indians How active: Since signing for six years, $66M, has just 18 more RBIs (124) than days on the DL (106).
STARTING ROTATION	Dontrelle Willis, Tigers | Jarrod Washburn, Mariners Carlos Silva, Mariners | Jason Schmidt, Dodgers Barry Zito, Giants How active? $61.35M due those four this year; combined to go 19-48, 5.60 ERA last year.
BULLPEN	Billy Wagner, Mets | Kei Igawa, Yankees | Rafael Soriano, Braves How active? Wagner and Igawa have $15.5M coming this year, and probably won't throw a big-league pitch. Braves owe Soriano $6.1M to not close for them.

$$$ THE ALL-MOST-ACTIVE-STOCKS TEAM $$$

Energizers!

POS	PLAYER
1B	Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox How active: Our favorite word for Youkilis: "Immersed" in every game.
2B	Dustin Pedroia, Red Sox How active: The human tornado.
SS	Alexei Ramirez, White Sox How active: The next Alfonso Soriano.
3B	Chone Figgins, Angels How active: Does he ever stop running?
OF	Carlos Gomez, Twins How active: His riveting package: Wheels revving, dirt flying, monster hacks.
OF	Denard Span, Twins How active: A regular Web Gem assembly line
OF	Hunter Pence, Astros How active: Pete Rose once told Pence: "I like how you hustle."
C	Russell Martin, Dodgers How active: All Dodgers catchers not named Russell Martin have started exactly 43 games in two years.
UTILITY	Super Utility Kamikaze Ryan Freel, Orioles How active: Sparks fly on every pitch.
SP	Tim Lincecum, Giants How active: Can't wait for the first time he dives for a ball in Camden yards and comes down in the Inner Harbor.
CLOSER	Jonathan Papelbon, Red Sox Why he's exciting: We swear we've seen flames fly out of his eyeballs.

$$$ THE ALL-CHAPTER 11 TEAM $$$

Here they come, the greatest players wearing No. 11 that money can buy:

POS	PLAYER
1B	Mark Kotsay, Red Sox
2B	Jamey Carroll, Indians
SS	Jimmy Rollins, Phillies
3B	Ryan Zimmerman, Nationals
OF	Brad Hawpe, Rockies
OF	Jose Guillen, Royals
OF	Brett Gardner, Yankees
C	Ramon Castro, Mets
RHP	Kenshin Kawakami, Braves
LHP	Mike Hampton, Astros
BENCH	Augie Ojeda, Diamondbacks | Rajai Davis, A's
COACHES	Juan Samuel, Orioles, and Ivan DeJesus, Cubs
	CHAPTER 11 HALL OF FAME (HAD NO. 11 RETIRED) Jim Fregosi, Angels | Carl Hubbell, Giants | Luis Aparicio, White Sox Paul Waner, Pirates

$$$ MOST TRADED STOCKS $$$

Number in parentheses represents number of teams that the player has played for (* = includes new team this spring).

POS	PLAYER
1B	Doug Mientkiewicz, Dodgers (7*)
2B	Miguel Cairo, Phillies (8*)
SS	Chris Gomez, Orioles (8)
3B	Russell Branyan, Mariners (9*)
OF	Matt Stairs, Phillies (11)
OF	Jose Guillen, Royals (9)
OF	Gary Matthews Jr., Angels (7)
C	Paul Bako, Cubs (10)
DH	Gary Sheffield, Tigers (7)
STARTING ROTATION	Miguel Batista, Mariners (8) | Jamie Moyer, Phillies (7) Shawn Estes, Dodgers (7) | Livan Hernandez, Mets (7*) Sidney Ponson, Royals (7*)
BULLPEN	Ron Villone, Mets (12*) | Julian Tavarez, Nationals (11*) Dennys Reyes, Cards (10*) | Alan Embree, Rockies (9) David Weathers, Reds (9)
MANAGER	Lou Piniella (5 teams -- plus managed 3 he never played for)

$$$ THE ALL-FUTURES MARKET TEAM $$$

They probably won't be heading north, but we'll hear from these phenoms again:

POS	PLAYER
1B	Logan Morrison, Marlins Why we should care: 1.111 OPS in the Arizona Fall League!
2B	Shelby Ford, Pirates Why we should care: Watch out, Freddy Sanchez.
SS	Jason Donald, Phillies Why we should care: Won't be at SS long. Looks like Phillies' 3B of the future.
3B	Pedro Alvarez Why we should care: Pirates still buzzing about his 550-foot BP homer this spring.
OF	Mike Stanton, Marlins Why we should care: 39 HR in Sally League, most by a minor-league teenager since at least 1962!
OF	Jason Heyward, Braves Why we should care: One review: "Darryl Strawberry -- only with more bat speed."
OF	Andrew McCutchen, Pirates Why we should care: Why do you think Jason Bay doesn't work here anymore?
C	Matt Wieters, Orioles Why we should care: Superstardom just a call-up away.
STARTING ROTATION	Tommy Hanson, Braves | Neftali Perez, Rangers Chris Tillman, Orioles Why we should care: Scouts' pulse rates doubled this spring every time they pitched.
BULLPEN	Daniel Bard, Red Sox | Ryan Perry, Tigers Why we should care: Guaranteed we see both of these smokeballers in the big leagues this year.

$$$ THE ALL-MONEYBALL-NAME TEAM $$$

The only cash we're interested in hearing about this year is Kevin Cash. The only price-earnings ratio we care about involves David Price. So on that note, here are the greatest names in baseball -- if Alan Greenspan were picking them:

POS	PLAYER
1B	"Strike It" Rich Aurilia, Giants
2B	Nick Green, Red Sox
SS	Khalil Greene, Cardinals
3B	David "The Price is" Wright, Mets
OF	Travis Buck, A's
OF	Curtis "Grand"-erson, Tigers
OF	Jayson "For What It's" Werth, Phillies
C	Kevin Cash, Yankees
RHP	Brad Penny, Red Sox
LHP	David Price, Rays
BULLPEN	Jeremy Bonderman, Tigers | Phil Stockman, Braves Josh Banks, Padres | Sean Green, Mets
MANAGER	Terry "Franc"-ona, Red Sox
STADIUM	Citizens Bank Park, Philadelphia
BROADCASTER	Joe Morgan "Stanley"
UMPIRE	C "N" B "C" Buckner
MOVIE HERO	Crash Davis